Creativity at Work

As we are nearing the end of yet another school year, I'm facing the reality that next year, both of the mini heathens will be school children. For the past 7 years of my life, I have been a full time, around the clock, do it all Mom. The reality that in just a few short months, that roll will be diminished some and then diminished even more after that is coming more and more to light. It feels like I'm being phased out of my current position. For some reason, to me, this whole "mommy gig" seems like it ends once the kids reach school age. The problem is, I don't know if I want to go out and "find a job". I'm picky. I spent the last 7 years living my life for my kids, I just can't see changing the course now. They still need me. Maybe not as much, but they still need me. And, I need them. But, I need something for me too. So, I consulted the cards. I first asked what area would bring me the most satisfaction and prosperity. The cards response was...

So, what is a blog for anyway? Is this a place for me to write my deepest, darkest secrets? Is it a place to be 'discovered'? I've never been really good at keeping a journal. I mean, I write things down on scraps of paper that seem to get lost or thrown away. I'm not exactly sure what I want to put here. I gues that's part of the creative process, right. First, I gotta figure out what I want to do and then just let the mess come. I think that's part of my problem. I'm afraid of the mess. I can't let things get messy. (Although, to look at my house, you'd never know that about me.) I just think that one day when I'm organized, I'll be able to get the stuff done. One day the mess will be gone, right. Problem is, what if that one day is the day my life ends?

So, I titled this blog "Creativity at Work" only to find that my Creativity has been overtaken by the Perfectionsim monster. I start to type/write and then get stuck on finding the perfect word, the most insightful thing I can possibly say and when I can't find it...delete. So, how is it I let this fear of being perfect ruin any creative outlet I have? How can I change that even as now when I type this, I wonder if I'm even going to finish. I wonder if it's going to get posted. Do I want it posted? Maybe I'm not really a blogger. Maybe it's not the idea of perfectionism stopping me from posting this. Maybe it's the fear of putting myself out there for millions (ok, so I'm stretching a bit) of people to read. Maybe I would do better with paper. That is, if I could keep the kids out of it long enough for me to actually fill a writing journal.