Debbie Downer

I woke up early this morning with the intention of writing.  I haven't written anything in almost 2 weeks now.  It's like my creative well has run dry.  And, consequently, I was thinking of coming here to write about my insecurities with writing.  Perhaps I'm not as good at this as I thought I would be.  But, then, I thought that blogs aren't about "poor me" and "life is hard."  They're about happy and dinner parties and kids and "look my life is just simply perfect."  We've been tricked into putting out a persona of "everything's perfect" because we don't want to be the one who brings everyone else around.  We're constantly on the search for Happy...but, it seems the more we search and the harder we grasp, the more elusive Happy becomes.

This past year, I've been happy and miserable and scared and anxious and loved and a million other things.  But, I think it's just now that I'm learning that I want to be content with my life as it is.  I keep thinking, if I publish a novel, I'll be content.  If I lose the rest of this weight, I'll be content.  If only I can get my eating back under control again, I'll be content.  The trick to all of this happening, though, is that I need to learn to be content with the way things are.  No, not content in that, "okay, this is how it is and this is how it's going to be."  But more like, this is my reality for now and that's okay.  This is where I'm supposed to be.  It's only when we can acknowledge where we are that we can begin to make any kind of progress.  The first step to solving the problem is admitting you have one...right?  I surely hope so.


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