Creativity at Work

So, apparently my earlier post has opened a flood gate and I need to write more.  Yesterday, I took my daughters to see Michelle Obama speak.  (Now, I promise this isn't a political post.)  We were supposed to meet friends there, but it worked out that we had to sit in different places.  Now, my girls were excellent in this very crowded venue and they did a phenomenal job.  The issue, I've discovered, is that I am an introvert.  I must have time to myself every day to recharge.  And, in crowded situations, like a political rally, I tend to go within myself as a coping mechanism.  I prefer smaller parties and have a hard time with crowds of people in my home, in my sanctuary.  These are all things I realized last night as I pondered why it irritated me so that my girls kept asking me questions while waiting for the First Lady to arrive.  I was irritated because they kept pulling me out of my safe space.  I wanted to retreat, but they kept forcing interaction.  Now, I don't

Every few days, I pull out my beautiful Tarot card deck that was given to my by a wonderful friend who has since passed away.  I love using that deck because it allows me to feel connected to her.  I hear her voice when I pull out the cards.  It's a wonderful experience and I'm not sure I'm doing it justice with my writing. So, every few days I pull out my deck and I ask the cards and my spirit guides "What message do I need to receive today."  The past few times I've done this, the Strength Card has fallen onto my lap (when a card falls out of the deck, it's typically a sign that it's the card you need and stop looking).  Today was different.  Today, I pulled the Fool card out of the deck.  And, so I pulled out my trusty Tarot Reading book (yes, I still rely on a book, but I'm working on that) and read: "Of yourself, you don't know what you need, or what will bring happiness in the long run.  If you let go of all you think you want or n

I think LIT sums it up perfectly when they say "It's no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy, cuz every now and then I kick the living shit otta me."  Yep, they're dead on with that one.  For the past few weeks, I've been in this spiral.  Nothing I do is right.  I can't lose weight fast enough.  I'm eating all the wrong foods.  I'll never find the job I want. Well, you get the idea.  If there is one thing in this life that I excel at, it's beating myself down.  If we're honest, I think we all can admit that it's something we're very good at.  I can't even tell you the number of times I'm floored because I can't figure out what it is that makes my husband want to stay with me.  Or why my friends like me so much.  There are lots of times when I can't stand myself and I'm afraid that if they  knew that person, they'd hate me too.  But, then again, maybe it is that we're so much harder on ourselves.  I mean r

I was having a conversation recently with a friend and her friend when her friend said something interesting.  She said that she thought weight loss was tougher for those who had been thin because they knew what they were missing.  Now, I've never been "thin" myself, so I can't really comment on the toughness of it.  What I do know is what it means to hit puberty and steadily get bigger every year to the point where you avoid mirrors and having your picture taken.  Being fat in and of itself is hard.  I look at my goal weight as my endzone. But, it's one I've never been to, so I have no clue how I will feel when I'm 175lbs.  I have no idea how it will feel when I can shop in the Misses section.  I have no idea how it will feel when people look at me differently, and I'm told they will.  Right now I'm invisible.  Right now people don't see me or they pretend to not see me.  I can't really blame them, though, because I do it to myself as wel