Spirit Lessons
Every few days, I pull out my beautiful Tarot card deck that was given to my by a wonderful friend who has since passed away. I love using that deck because it allows me to feel connected to her. I hear her voice when I pull out the cards. It's a wonderful experience and I'm not sure I'm doing it justice with my writing.
So, every few days I pull out my deck and I ask the cards and my spirit guides "What message do I need to receive today." The past few times I've done this, the Strength Card has fallen onto my lap (when a card falls out of the deck, it's typically a sign that it's the card you need and stop looking). Today was different. Today, I pulled the Fool card out of the deck. And, so I pulled out my trusty Tarot Reading book (yes, I still rely on a book, but I'm working on that) and read: "Of yourself, you don't know what you need, or what will bring happiness in the long run. If you let go of all you think you want or need, "want" will also go, and in its place you'll find its objective...happiness." And "'The kingdom of heaven is within you.' Talk things over with [the gods/universe]. The more you do, the more clearly you'll understand [their] guidance (as a natural inner urging and the way in which [they] respond." And, "Release wants, cares, or worries and 'let go, let god." Don't hang on to an idea or support system out of fear of failure or loss."
Full disclosure, the book uses the phrases "God" and "He" and "His". As I don't believe in a strictly male version of the Christian god, I make my own substitutions. Which leads me to the point of this blog. Basically, my beloved cards are telling me to let go and trust in a higher power to lead me on my path, yet, for some reason, I have such a hard time doing this. Perhaps I'm still in the rebellion phase from my break-up with Christianity, but I just balk at the idea of "giving it up to God." Perhaps I'm afraid that if I do that, then I'm not taking responsibility for myself or my actions. If I don't control it, then I didn't do it. I think this is why I feel like I'm constantly searching for that elusive happiness. I mean, no one person can effectively control everything that is going on in their life. I can't stop things from happening any more than I can make everything I want happen at just the perfect time.
I've been struggling as of late with employment issues. My self-worth has taken a hit since my youngest daughter started first grade. I always believed that I would be working (at least part-time) once she got into school full time. I'm afraid that I've become JUST a housewife, which I never wanted to be. But, I don't know how to fix it. I'm not sure I want to do the job that "would just be so perfect for my situation". But, the job that I want to do just doesn't seem like an option either. Mainly because what I want to do depends on me writing a story that I'm able to get published and then writing a bunch more that all are published. I know that it's only fear that's stopping me, but I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. Failure? Well, I'm failing pretty hardcore by not trying. Success? Probably. Putting myself out there to be rejected? Oh YES!
I started this blog a long time ago because I wanted to write. I thought this would get the creative juices flowing and would get me writing. But, I didn't write for a long time. Sure, I would do a post or two a year, but honestly, that's nothing. It's just been this past September that I really started writing.
And maybe that's the lesson in the card. Maybe it's a "hey, stupid, get out of your own way" kind of deal. My characters can't talk to me if I'm so focused on being in control of the message. Maybe it's not "let go, let god", but rather "let go and let your characters speak through you." I wonder what that would look like. What would happen if I just let the stories go. If I just stopped worrying about the perfect word or the perfect ending and just let it go, how would my writing change? There certainly would be more of it, that I can tell you.
Maybe that's my message for today. "Let go and Let the characters speak!"
So, every few days I pull out my deck and I ask the cards and my spirit guides "What message do I need to receive today." The past few times I've done this, the Strength Card has fallen onto my lap (when a card falls out of the deck, it's typically a sign that it's the card you need and stop looking). Today was different. Today, I pulled the Fool card out of the deck. And, so I pulled out my trusty Tarot Reading book (yes, I still rely on a book, but I'm working on that) and read: "Of yourself, you don't know what you need, or what will bring happiness in the long run. If you let go of all you think you want or need, "want" will also go, and in its place you'll find its objective...happiness." And "'The kingdom of heaven is within you.' Talk things over with [the gods/universe]. The more you do, the more clearly you'll understand [their] guidance (as a natural inner urging and the way in which [they] respond." And, "Release wants, cares, or worries and 'let go, let god." Don't hang on to an idea or support system out of fear of failure or loss."
Full disclosure, the book uses the phrases "God" and "He" and "His". As I don't believe in a strictly male version of the Christian god, I make my own substitutions. Which leads me to the point of this blog. Basically, my beloved cards are telling me to let go and trust in a higher power to lead me on my path, yet, for some reason, I have such a hard time doing this. Perhaps I'm still in the rebellion phase from my break-up with Christianity, but I just balk at the idea of "giving it up to God." Perhaps I'm afraid that if I do that, then I'm not taking responsibility for myself or my actions. If I don't control it, then I didn't do it. I think this is why I feel like I'm constantly searching for that elusive happiness. I mean, no one person can effectively control everything that is going on in their life. I can't stop things from happening any more than I can make everything I want happen at just the perfect time.
I've been struggling as of late with employment issues. My self-worth has taken a hit since my youngest daughter started first grade. I always believed that I would be working (at least part-time) once she got into school full time. I'm afraid that I've become JUST a housewife, which I never wanted to be. But, I don't know how to fix it. I'm not sure I want to do the job that "would just be so perfect for my situation". But, the job that I want to do just doesn't seem like an option either. Mainly because what I want to do depends on me writing a story that I'm able to get published and then writing a bunch more that all are published. I know that it's only fear that's stopping me, but I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. Failure? Well, I'm failing pretty hardcore by not trying. Success? Probably. Putting myself out there to be rejected? Oh YES!
I started this blog a long time ago because I wanted to write. I thought this would get the creative juices flowing and would get me writing. But, I didn't write for a long time. Sure, I would do a post or two a year, but honestly, that's nothing. It's just been this past September that I really started writing.
And maybe that's the lesson in the card. Maybe it's a "hey, stupid, get out of your own way" kind of deal. My characters can't talk to me if I'm so focused on being in control of the message. Maybe it's not "let go, let god", but rather "let go and let your characters speak through you." I wonder what that would look like. What would happen if I just let the stories go. If I just stopped worrying about the perfect word or the perfect ending and just let it go, how would my writing change? There certainly would be more of it, that I can tell you.
Maybe that's my message for today. "Let go and Let the characters speak!"
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