Creativity at Work

So, apparently my earlier post has opened a flood gate and I need to write more.  Yesterday, I took my daughters to see Michelle Obama speak.  (Now, I promise this isn't a political post.)  We were supposed to meet friends there, but it worked out that we had to sit in different places.  Now, my girls were excellent in this very crowded venue and they did a phenomenal job.  The issue, I've discovered, is that I am an introvert.  I must have time to myself every day to recharge.  And, in crowded situations, like a political rally, I tend to go within myself as a coping mechanism.  I prefer smaller parties and have a hard time with crowds of people in my home, in my sanctuary.  These are all things I realized last night as I pondered why it irritated me so that my girls kept asking me questions while waiting for the First Lady to arrive.  I was irritated because they kept pulling me out of my safe space.  I wanted to retreat, but they kept forcing interaction.  Now, I don't

Every few days, I pull out my beautiful Tarot card deck that was given to my by a wonderful friend who has since passed away.  I love using that deck because it allows me to feel connected to her.  I hear her voice when I pull out the cards.  It's a wonderful experience and I'm not sure I'm doing it justice with my writing. So, every few days I pull out my deck and I ask the cards and my spirit guides "What message do I need to receive today."  The past few times I've done this, the Strength Card has fallen onto my lap (when a card falls out of the deck, it's typically a sign that it's the card you need and stop looking).  Today was different.  Today, I pulled the Fool card out of the deck.  And, so I pulled out my trusty Tarot Reading book (yes, I still rely on a book, but I'm working on that) and read: "Of yourself, you don't know what you need, or what will bring happiness in the long run.  If you let go of all you think you want or n

I think LIT sums it up perfectly when they say "It's no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy, cuz every now and then I kick the living shit otta me."  Yep, they're dead on with that one.  For the past few weeks, I've been in this spiral.  Nothing I do is right.  I can't lose weight fast enough.  I'm eating all the wrong foods.  I'll never find the job I want. Well, you get the idea.  If there is one thing in this life that I excel at, it's beating myself down.  If we're honest, I think we all can admit that it's something we're very good at.  I can't even tell you the number of times I'm floored because I can't figure out what it is that makes my husband want to stay with me.  Or why my friends like me so much.  There are lots of times when I can't stand myself and I'm afraid that if they  knew that person, they'd hate me too.  But, then again, maybe it is that we're so much harder on ourselves.  I mean r

I was having a conversation recently with a friend and her friend when her friend said something interesting.  She said that she thought weight loss was tougher for those who had been thin because they knew what they were missing.  Now, I've never been "thin" myself, so I can't really comment on the toughness of it.  What I do know is what it means to hit puberty and steadily get bigger every year to the point where you avoid mirrors and having your picture taken.  Being fat in and of itself is hard.  I look at my goal weight as my endzone. But, it's one I've never been to, so I have no clue how I will feel when I'm 175lbs.  I have no idea how it will feel when I can shop in the Misses section.  I have no idea how it will feel when people look at me differently, and I'm told they will.  Right now I'm invisible.  Right now people don't see me or they pretend to not see me.  I can't really blame them, though, because I do it to myself as wel

I read a post on Facebook where someone shared a recipe for diet pop cupcakes.  Apparently it's easy, just mix diet pop with cake mix and voila, supposedly delicious low calorie cupcakes.  Of course by doing so, said person opened herself up to the vultures that are the "this is my way to lose weight and it is the one true path" crowd.  I hate those people.  Seriously.  Yes, we know that diet pop contains aspartame.  Yes we know that aspartame causes cancer in lab rats.  Did you know that we're NOT lab rats?  Guess what, Cupcakes, something is going to kill us.  When we're obese, we're told that it's going to kill us.  (Insert big announcer voice here:) We're going to get Diabetes or High Blood Pressure or Corn Dog Syndrome!  No, I'm not sure what Corn Dog Syndrome is, but I'm sure we'll hear about it soon. But then, we take the steps to lose weight.  We make the changes.  And for some of us, those changes look different than for others. 

So, I did it.  In January, I followed millions of people by making the resolution that I was going to finally lose weight.  Okay, I actually did it at the end of January so that it wouldn't be a resolution and I would actually stick to it.  And actually, it didn't come about with the notion of losing a big amount of weight.  I'd tried that in the past and it never worked for long.  The following is my story of how my journey began and where I stand to date. I've struggled with my weight since puberty.  It's just been something that's been a part of me.  I've always been taller and fatter than most of the people around me.  And then I went to college and put on more weight.  I got married and added a few more pounds; had 2 kids and added more weight.  I was so busy taking care of everyone else so that I couldn't take care of myself.  I see now that my weight has always served 2 purposes for me.  It's been a way for me to self-sabotage as well as ser

Hello and welcome.  I realized just now that I have never made introductions on here.  I started this blog with no real intentions...perhaps a place to vent, but then I just jumped in and started venting.  I never introduced myself.  So, hi!  I'm going to start by telling you 10 things about me. 10. I live in Ohio and have my whole life. 9.  I have 2 daughters, a husband, 3 cats, 2 dogs and 3 goldfish. 8.  I am pagan and liberal and support equal rights for all Americans. 7.  I am a Stay at Home Mom. 6.  I've had my writing published. 5.  My husband and I got married in a Big Bear Grocery Store on Valentine's Day. 4.  I want to travel outside the US, though I haven't yet.  I've actually only been to 10 states.  3.  I love to make people laugh. 2.  I aspire to make actual money with my writing. 1.  I wish I was more...more organized, more creative, more.... Want to know more?  Stay tuned.  :D