Creativity at Work

I keep hearing about the show This is Us and how incredible, amazing, real, emotional it is. Plus, there's a real live fat actress on there portraying a fat, American woman. Isn't that just great? Now real American women get to see someone on the television that looks more like us. Except she's only there to diet. Now before you jump on me for not 'giving the show a chance', know that I watched half the season - 7 full shows and then about a quarter of show #8. And it's all the same. The two brothers have an awful relationship. Kate takes care of Jack until Jack moves away so that Kate can focus full time on dieting. Kate sabotages a relationship because she didn't lose weight fast enough. She struggles and focuses and obsesses about her weight. It's the only thing we get to see about her. I want to see the amazing, smart, and funny woman there, but the show won't let me because we only get to see her at a diet meeting or at a restaurant pushing a...

So a conversation today sparked something. There is a persistent thought in this country that people are just naturally good storytellers, and that writing takes very little effort. Either you do it or you don't. And if you don't, well it's only because you don't have time/aren't interested/will get to it later. Writing a novel is perceived as easy, even when novelists scream that giving birth or bloodletting takes much less effort. Along with this comes the idea of training and education. The other day I mentioned to my husband -who has been so incredibly supportive in my chosen career path- that I was thinking of going back to school. I have been effectively out of the paid work force for the past twelve years and it's a bit difficult to get back in after so many years on the bench. I said that I found it very tempting to want to go for a MFA in Creative Writing. He said, "Well, other than Author, what could you do with that degree?" It stung. I fe...

Another Flash Fiction Entry. This one won! :) I may eventually continue this story to see where it goes. The Prank Allie batted her long, black lashes and stuck out her lower lip in what she knew was an adorable pout.  “It doesn’t work anymore, Allie. God, I’m so sick of you thinking you can just bat those stupid eyelashes and everything gets fixed.” Jake fumed. Allie had crossed the line this time. It was one thing when the pranks were simply about embarrassing someone, but this time a girl died. Game over.  Allie pulled her lip back in. ¬“You were part of it all, too!” She snapped. “Besides, it was supposed to be fun. You weren’t supposed to let her fall. How could you, Jake?” “Oh, that’s classic. Of course it’s my fault because no one would believe that sweet little Allie is capable of this. If they only knew the real you, they’d lock you in a cell and throw away the key.” “Maybe they should,” Allie mumbled looking at the floor. The pranks were never supposed t...

So, I received a 2.5 star (out of 5) review today that said: Some things I Like: I love the idea of having a typical morning routine and becoming bombarded by characters and stories! That is just awesome really. What writer wouldn't like that? You have some strong word choice in here. Solitude, characters, adulations, broken... these are a few that stand out to me. The flow is good. I didn't stumble at all while reading this one. Observations & Suggestions: The rhymes are not the strongest here. Up/cup, day/say, tribulations/adulations, day/say again. Now, I wonder which one is the strongest? Really, up/cup and day/say aren't awful. They just remind me of Dr. Seuss. I have a 6 year old who only recently eased up on his obsession with Seuss, so it is fresh in my mind. The rhymes didn't really detract from the piece. They just didn't help it either. There wasn't much of a hook here. "In the quiet of the morning / before the sun wakes up / I sit a...

So, I've been participating in some Flash Fiction (stories less than 300 words) contests on writing.com. I thought it would be fun to share them here. I know that I get asked quite a bit about what I'm writing. So, here you go... Yesterday's story prompt: Write a story that includes the phrase "What's the worst that could happen?"  The Wedding Crashers “Come on!” Stacy chided. “What’s the worst that could happen?” She shrugged her shoulders, a classic Stacy move, and pushed the door open. “What’s the worst that could happen?” Tracy retorted. “Really? Have we met? I could give you about a hundred different scenarios all going from bad to worse to worst!” “Oh Tracy, you worry too much! Relax and have fun. Besides, Jacob will be there.” Stacy smiled at the slight blush that crept up Tracey’s neck and rested on her cheeks. Stacy didn’t dare confess that she’d been sleeping with Jacob since she discovered her sister had a crush on him. She also ...

Well, I've made it. It's halfway through summer and I've survived the kids being home full time. I'm not as sure about my writing, though. I'm going through a nasty case of distracted writers syndrome. It's terrible. Even my writer's website has become a means of procrastination for me. I know that it will get better. That I will work through this. I can feel it in my bones. Every doubt that I have, every time I think I'll never finish a story, there's always one thing I know. I will continue to write. I have to. It's in my blood. But, as I sit here, there's a decision that needs to be made concerning this fall. Do I renew my substitute license or do I give up that means of income? Do I go back to school myself or do I just focus on my writing? Do I pursue a professorship? Do I take the steps to teach college level English and writing? I know that many writers do it as a way to make money. However, I also know that there are only so many ho...

Here it is - my second place story. The challenge was to write a story in 100 words or less. It had to have all of the components; setting, character, plot, etc. I hope that you all enjoy. Any feedback is appreciated, but please keep it constructive. The mother gazed at her newborn daughter, so beautiful, so perfect. She wondered how she had thought she ever loved before this. She wasn’t sure she could ever love the same after. The baby wailed and the mother looked around, panicked, helpless. She was only fifteen, far too young for this. The nurse handed her a bottle for the baby. Once again all was right with the world. The two sat in peaceful bliss until the white liquid was gone. Then she handed her daughter to the baby’s parents. She smiled through the heartbreak, knowing this was best. 

Yesterday was the 2014 Miss Majorette of Ohio Competition. B, who has been twirling since she was three years old, competed. I'd love to tell you that she walked away with a title and we are now heading to Miss Majorette of America, but that would be a lie. The truth is that yesterday I watched my girl twirl her heart out and get it stomped on by almost every single judge. She received last place or almost last place in almost every single event. But, we were positive and proud of the work that she was doing. Yesterday we didn't focus on the place, instead we focused on her love of the sport. "Go out there and have fun." I'd tell her before each event. And, somehow it clicked. Yes, she did receive almost last or last in almost everything.  However, she pulled out a second place for her pageant solo and was only 1 point behind first place. Without her penalties, she would have won the solo. She showed her love and the judge responded. So, in her honor, here are s...

I used to think that I was busy. When both of my girls were babies, I could barely keep my head above water. When Brooklynne started Kindergarten, I felt like I was sinking. I got a few minutes to catch my breath when both girls started school, but that didn't last very long. And now, I have two very active and involved children and I feel as if I'm doing my best just to keep my head above water. My house is atrocious most of the time and sometimes we have to scour through baskets of  unfolded laundry in order to find something to wear for the day. Right now I feel as if I'm doing a mediocre job at best with all of my commitments. And, I wonder if my girls are stretched too thin. I know that I feel stretched too thin, although, if I could really be stretched thin, that would be great. At least it would take off the pressure of having to count calories (and failing to do so after lunch) and exercise every day. I'm sure there is a lesson in all of this. I'm sure I n...

Trapped Inside my own mind, Four walls closing in, Unable to move Unable to breathe. Somewhere there is a door That I simply cannot see. Stagnant. In this life, A change is what I need. Unable to move from here. Longing for something, I'm told can never be.

I woke up early this morning with the intention of writing.  I haven't written anything in almost 2 weeks now.  It's like my creative well has run dry.  And, consequently, I was thinking of coming here to write about my insecurities with writing.  Perhaps I'm not as good at this as I thought I would be.  But, then, I thought that blogs aren't about "poor me" and "life is hard."  They're about happy and dinner parties and kids and "look my life is just simply perfect."  We've been tricked into putting out a persona of "everything's perfect" because we don't want to be the one who brings everyone else around.  We're constantly on the search for Happy...but, it seems the more we search and the harder we grasp, the more elusive Happy becomes. This past year, I've been happy and miserable and scared and anxious and loved and a million other things.  But, I think it's just now that I'm learning that I w...

Yesterday, I had some time to sit in my car with no TV distractions, no computer distractions, no kid distractions.  It was just me, my knitting and some paper and pens.  And, while I was sitting in that hot car staring off into space, I kept hearing "find what you love to do and make money doing it."  But, my problem has been that I've forgotten what I love to do.  So, I started making a list:  - write - I do enjoy writing, but I feel like my creativity has been blocked and I'm unable to find a story. - computer work -I enjoy being on the computer.  I enjoy typing and creating on here.  And, that's where I stopped, because then I started picturing myself as a writer.  What would that look like?  I saw myself in a big room with a table near the wall of windows and shelves upon shelves of books behind me.  I saw myself in my writing room (or at least the writing room I someday hope to have).  There were some flowers and lots of y...

Last night while I was lying in bed, I started thinking about the girl I used to be.   I feel like I don’t know her any more.   She was always so positive; such a Pollyanna.   When did that change?   I feel like I’ve become bitter and negative.   I look at my Facebook postings and they’re so….pathetic.    When I was in college, I had an idea what I wanted to do.   I wanted to write.   I first chose Journalism and then decided that News Writing really wasn’t my thing, so I went to English Education and figured I’d help teenagers learn to write.   Well, it turns out that’s not my thing either.   After college, Paul and I moved to a new city and I had a hard time adjusting.   I really did.   I subbed and love and hated it at the same time.   I never felt like I could be a nice person while subbing.   When I was a nice person, it always backfired.    But, I kept going.   I kept pushing ahead thinki...

Do you ever get noise overload??  Like there's too much stimulation going on and you just have to turn it all off??  Yeah, me too.  A lot.  Especially when the hubs works from home.  Now, don't get me wrong, I love having him here and it's great that he is able to be home when the kids get home from school.  Plus, the oldest has a talent show in an hour and now we don't have to wait for him to rush home or have him meet us there.  But, sometimes it's just a little too much noise for me.  I think I'm spoiled by the quiet when I'm here alone.  I like the quiet.  It lets me think. 

When you're attempting to live a healthier life and lose weight, you tend to hear quite a bit about what food is.  The problem is that no one really ever seems to come to a consensus on what food is and how we should treat it.  Some claim that food is fuel and should be used in much the same way that we use gas in our cars. "Eat to live, don't live to Eat."  For others, food is a drug, it can harm us or it can help us, and we should consider what each bite we take will do. "Sugar is evil, buy your food from a FARMacy."   And then there's the "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" camp who insinuate that some foods are big time no-nos.  But, there's another group.  One that has been dubbed IFIMM (If it fits my macros).  I think this is where I tend to fall.  Yes, I want to have a strong and healthy body.  Yes, I want to shop the Misses section.  Yes, I want to feel proud of myself.  And yes, I want to eat chocolate!  I ...

There seems to be a common theme with regards to my weight loss.  It's the fear that I'm not doing it right.  This kind of goes along with the "not good enough" post last week.  I seem to hit quite a few plateaus and I seem to retain lots of water weight.  But, in all honesty, I think my problem is the scale.  I rely too much on the scale to tell me how I'm progressing.  I weigh in every day, sometimes two and even three times a day.  It's obsessive, I know.  I know that I need to stop.  The problem I'm facing is the fear that if I don't weigh in every day, then I won't lose any weight.  However, the reality is that I am weighing in every day and I'm still not losing weight.  And, then I'm changing my program too often to find one that's truly effective.  It's quite frustrating.  So, here's the plan.  Tomorrow is my normal weigh in day.  I will weigh in tomorrow morning and then my scale is getting put away....

I've recently discovered the joys of podcasts and especially one in particular.  For the past couple of weeks, I've been listening to the Jillian Michaels podcast while folding laundry, washing dishes or doing other such menial chores.  During these, I hear bits of inspiration and enlightenment that help me get through this journey.  It's been a year since I began this endeavor to be a smaller version of me.  And, in that year's time, I've gotten rid of (I didn't lose it, I know exactly where it went) 50 pounds.  Now, people congratulate me and tell me how incredible it is that I've lost so much.  But, is it really?  Is 50 pounds in one year good enough?  "You're making changes that last," they say.  "You're doing this the right way," they say.  "You're making sure that it sticks," they say.  But they don't have to look at me in the mirror.  They don't have to see the fight that each and every pound is.  Th...

So, apparently my earlier post has opened a flood gate and I need to write more.  Yesterday, I took my daughters to see Michelle Obama speak.  (Now, I promise this isn't a political post.)  We were supposed to meet friends there, but it worked out that we had to sit in different places.  Now, my girls were excellent in this very crowded venue and they did a phenomenal job.  The issue, I've discovered, is that I am an introvert.  I must have time to myself every day to recharge.  And, in crowded situations, like a political rally, I tend to go within myself as a coping mechanism.  I prefer smaller parties and have a hard time with crowds of people in my home, in my sanctuary.  These are all things I realized last night as I pondered why it irritated me so that my girls kept asking me questions while waiting for the First Lady to arrive.  I was irritated because they kept pulling me out of my safe space.  I wante...

Every few days, I pull out my beautiful Tarot card deck that was given to my by a wonderful friend who has since passed away.  I love using that deck because it allows me to feel connected to her.  I hear her voice when I pull out the cards.  It's a wonderful experience and I'm not sure I'm doing it justice with my writing. So, every few days I pull out my deck and I ask the cards and my spirit guides "What message do I need to receive today."  The past few times I've done this, the Strength Card has fallen onto my lap (when a card falls out of the deck, it's typically a sign that it's the card you need and stop looking).  Today was different.  Today, I pulled the Fool card out of the deck.  And, so I pulled out my trusty Tarot Reading book (yes, I still rely on a book, but I'm working on that) and read: "Of yourself, you don't know what you need, or what will bring happiness in the long run.  If you let go of all you think you want or n...

I think LIT sums it up perfectly when they say "It's no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy, cuz every now and then I kick the living shit otta me."  Yep, they're dead on with that one.  For the past few weeks, I've been in this spiral.  Nothing I do is right.  I can't lose weight fast enough.  I'm eating all the wrong foods.  I'll never find the job I want. Well, you get the idea.  If there is one thing in this life that I excel at, it's beating myself down.  If we're honest, I think we all can admit that it's something we're very good at.  I can't even tell you the number of times I'm floored because I can't figure out what it is that makes my husband want to stay with me.  Or why my friends like me so much.  There are lots of times when I can't stand myself and I'm afraid that if they  knew that person, they'd hate me too.  But, then again, maybe it is that we're so much harder on ourselves.  I mean ...